1. Pastor Gong Mingpeng refused to admit his mistakes or correct them, continuing to mislead my wife, further exacerbating the misleading and damaging situation.
In 2018, my wife joined Pastor Gong Mingpeng’s church. He read the Bible and prayed with her and a few others weekly.
Pastor Gong Mingpeng displayed a “spiritual attitude,” emphasizing repentance and sharing his experiences of correcting mistakes. On the other hand, he refused to admit or correct his own erroneous statement in a 2017 counseling session regarding “my mother moving out of my home.”
This further convinced my wife that his “confusion of right and wrong” counseling statements were in line with “spiritual principles.” She repeatedly urged me to read articles advocating for “the husband-wife relationship to be the first priority” ，accusing me of not prioritizing the husband-wife relationship.
1) He indirectly rationalized my wife’s practice of “controlling money and preventing me from knowing,” reinforcing her complacency:
My wife felt comfortable controlling her finances and preventing me from knowing, which was one of the detrimental effects of counseling.
However, while my wife continued to behave this way, Pastor Gong Mingpeng, during his weekly Bible study and prayer sessions and daily interactions with her, conveyed to her the attitude that she was on the right path of faith, giving her a sense of validation and a sense that she was on the “right” path.
This, without Pastor Gong Mingpeng correcting the erroneous influences of his counseling, further reinforced the misleading nature of the counseling and reinforced my wife’s complacency. Pastor Gong Mingpeng didn’t tell my wife that she had to stop controlling money, and she continued to do so with a clear conscience. This effectively justified her controlling money and denying me the right to know.
2) The “continuing” perverted logic continues to undermine:
The “real” truth is: Whether it’s my mother moving out or controlling money, my wife was wrong from the beginning. If she continues to do so, she’s even more wrong. She must admit her mistakes and correct them. I’ve been tolerating her. It’s Pastor Gong Mingpeng’s perverted logic that justifies her.
The perverted logic, which “continues from counseling,” is that my problems are bigger than my wife’s. I’ve violated “spiritual principles” and haven’t prioritized our marriage.
If Pastor Gong Mingpeng had promptly admitted his mistakes and corrected them, returning to the real truth, then my wife would have realized her problem: she was wrong from the beginning, and I’ve been tolerating her. In this scenario, our family’s problems would have been much easier to resolve.
However, Pastor Gong Mingpeng refused to admit his mistake or correct his mistakes, and his perverted logic favored my wife. As a result, my wife and I were unable to return to the truth and resolve our issues. Our conflict intensified, our arguments continued, and our relationship deteriorated.
3) Pastor Gong’s refusal to admit his mistake, his continued misleading behavior, led my wife further astray from his perverted logic.
If Pastor Gong had admitted his mistake and corrected his mistakes during this period, returning our family to the true truth, then my wife wouldn’t have acted so wrongly and wrongly in the matter of my mother moving out, only to go even further wrong and wrong in the church setting.
If Pastor Gong had corrected his false claim that “I don’t put husband-wife relationship first,” my wife wouldn’t have continued to follow this false logic and fabricate subsequent “false causes” to justify her actions.
If Pastor Gong had admitted that his perverted logic justified my wife’s control over her finances, then my wife wouldn’t have felt comfortable controlling her finances and denying me the right to know, even in the church setting, while reading the Bible and praying with him weekly with several others.
However, because Pastor Gong refused to admit his mistakes or correct them, and continued his misleading actions, my wife continued to stray further and further wrong from the path she had taken.
2. My Wife Fabricated a “Fake Cause”
1) At the end of 2018, my wife, seeking to justify herself within Pastor Gong’s church, used Pastor Gong Mingpeng’s distorted logic and fabricated a false cause about “My mother moved out of our home.” She said : she wanted to live separately from the elderly and had told me many times, but I didn’t understand her feelings. This ultimately escalated the conflict, leading to my mother to move out.
2) Pastor Gong was fully aware of my family’s situation. He knew that my mother had already applied for government senior housing and that our family was financially strapped at the time, making it impossible for my wife to rent another place. He knew this was a “fake cause,” yet he allowed my wife to perpetuate it within his church to this day.
3) Consequences: My wife’s “false cause” was combined with Pastor Gong Mingpeng’s sermons, which distorted right and wrong, rationalizing both his misconceptions and my wife’s actions. This also obscured the previously clear facts and made the problem more difficult to resolve.
4) If Pastor Gong had admitted his mistake and corrected the situation earlier, my wife would not have needed to and would not have resorted to fabricating a “false cause.”
3. My family situation from 2018 to 2019:
1) Until the end of 2018, my wife frequently visited my mother with the children, and we celebrated all birthdays and holidays together.
2) My wife and I attended couples camps, friends’ gatherings, and maintained normal social interactions with other families.
3) However, my wife continued to transfer family and company funds to her own name. Whenever I stopped her, she would argue and even file for separation and divorce. To avoid divorce, I had no choice but to give in.
4) My wife reads the Bible and prays with Pastor Gong and a few others every week, receiving his affirmation. She believes she is on the right path in her faith and no longer feels she has strayed too far.
5) I repeatedly approached Pastor Gong, hoping he would point out my wife’s problems and correct her misguided teachings. However, he either lectured me on biblical principles or said, “Wait a little longer.” Finally, he even accused me of “not being able to bear to see my wife being friendly with others,” “throwing good things before swine,” and “not seeing the log in my own eye.”
I want to emphasize this:
If Pastor Gong Mingpeng had admitted and corrected his mistakes during the 2017 counseling session, eliminated his misleading actions toward my wife, and told her she needed to apologize to my mother and stop controlling family finances and preventing me from knowing what was happening,
then it would have been much easier for my wife to change her ways, and our relationship would have remained stable.
4. My wife and I are in sharp conflict over our misguided beliefs:
1) I feel:
My wife is responsible for my mother moving out. Pastor Gong Mingpeng presented the truth in the wrong way, confusing right and wrong. I feel very wronged.
My wife’s manipulation of money and her inability to let me know have put me under control, and I’ve been very tolerant of her.
My wife has already been deeply wronged by my mother’s move out, but she continues to blame me and my mother, refusing to acknowledge that her actions were wrong from the beginning.
My mother has sacrificed so much for our family, and now she’s been in a car accident and living alone. She’s being misinterpreted and wronged, which is unacceptable to human conscience.
2) My wife, however, feels:
My mother’s responsibility for moving out lies with me. I violated biblical principles. It was because I “didn’t put the marriage relationship first.” I don’t understand.
Pastor Gong Mingpeng continues to affirm her, causing my wife to believe she’s on the right spiritual path. She doesn’t feel she needs to stop controlling money, or that her actions seriously violate basic principles.
3) This fundamental conflict of principles made the problem unsolvable, leading to constant arguments and a deteriorating relationship.
I want to emphasize:
The true solution to this situation is for Pastor Gong to acknowledge his misconceptions and correct them, rather than for us to fight each other. As an observer, Pastor Gong saw this clearly, but he didn’t do so.
5. Regarding this situation: The “first step” to resolving the problem should be for Pastor Gong to “first” admit his mistakes and correct them, rather than for us to fight each other.
1) The first step to resolving the problem is not for the couple to fight within the framework of being misled and misleading, but for Pastor Gong Mingpeng to first admit his mistakes and correct the misconduct and subsequent misleading in his counseling.
2) On this basis, we can resolve the problem within the framework of true principles and normal external constraints. Whoever erred should admit and correct their mistakes, thus restoring our relationship.
3) “Controlling money and denying me the right to know” violates basic principles and conscience, and is not difficult to correct in a healthy church environment. Under normal circumstances, my wife would not continue to act in a way that violates her conscience and yet “feel spiritual.”
4) But the reality was exactly the opposite: Because Pastor Gong distorted right and wrong, and because he refused to admit his mistake, corrected his mistakes, and continued to mislead, my wife didn’t see her actions as wrong in moving my mother out of our home. Instead, she felt I was violating biblical principles. My wife also didn’t feel she needed to stop controlling the money, which led to constant arguments and a deteriorating relationship.
6. Pastor Gong’s refusal to admit his mistakes, correct his mistakes, and continued misleading actions determined my wife’s future and the disastrous trajectory of our family:
1) Direct damage:
• I felt wronged and controlled by the distortion of right and wrong. My wife felt she didn’t need to change, and continued to control the finances, leading to ever-increasing arguments.
• The foundation of our marriage was destroyed: Our relationship lacked trust and equality, and my wife’s behavior was constantly justified, ultimately leading to the breakdown of our marriage.
• Violation of basic conscience: My mother had devoted years to our family, yet she was treated this way. Amidst such injustice and I was under control, it was impossible to build a healthy relationship. Ultimately, our relationship was completely destroyed by the constant conflict and arguments.
2) The destructive impact on the problem-solving process:
• In a healthy marital relationship, many problems are easily resolved; however, amidst conflict and arguments, even small issues can be magnified and difficult to resolve.
• The previous existing problems in my family were not difficult to resolve, but Pastor Gong Mingpeng’s distorted teachings, his persistent misleading, and his reinforcement of my wife’s existing mistakes, combined with the resulting conflict between us, made the problems extremely difficult to resolve.
• Pastor Gong Mingpeng refused to admit his mistakes, and my wife, in turn, took his misguided teachings as truth and refused to admit her mistake either. This prevented the fundamental obstacle of distorting right and wrong and the resulting problems from being removed, rendering the problems unsolvable and allowing them to continue to ferment and worsen.
• The church should be a force for family recovery, but Pastor Gong Mingpeng refused to admit his mistakes and continued to mislead, leading others in the church to echo him, claiming that my wife was better at managing money, which in turn supported the claim that “my wife controls the money.”
3) Misleading Under the Name of Faith:
• Pastor Gong Mingpeng used his position as a pastor and biblical words to pervert right and wrong and create injustice. This not only benefited my wife, but also caused her to become deeply entangled in this misleading behavior due to her trust in him. This misleading behavior would have been extremely difficult to dispel had it not been for Pastor Gong Mingpeng personally admitting and correcting his mistakes.
• Pastor Gong Mingpeng, fully aware of the damage and misleading he had caused, refused to admit his mistakes or correct them. Instead, he used Bible reading and prayer to demonstrate a “spiritual posture,” which he also passed on to my wife. On the one hand, she didn’t think her behavior toward my mother and money was wrong and needed to stop. On the other hand, she felt that reading the Bible and praying with Pastor Gong Mingpeng, as well as discussing faith, was quite spiritual and that she was on the right path.
• Pastor Gong Mingpeng passed on this religious attitude, his refusal to admit his mistakes, and his lack of conscience to my wife, making the problem even more difficult to resolve and misleading her into a worse situation.
7. My wife falsely accused me of domestic violence with fabricated evidence, yet she felt quite spiritual in Pastor Gong Mingpeng’s misleading environment.
1) In early 2019, our relationship deteriorated dramatically due to arguments and separation, and my wife stopped visiting my mother.
2) My wife repeatedly transferred funds from the family company and the household into her own name, preventing me from knowing what was happening. Because I firmly stopped her, she fabricated evidence in June 2019 and falsely accused me of domestic violence, saying I was going to kill her, which frightened her to the point of being unable to sleep at night. In reality, she was the one who abused me.
3) As a result, the police arrested me, filed a criminal record against me, and forbade me from returning home or participating in the family company for over six months. Since then, she has completely prevented my mother from visiting our home, frequently cursing that my mother and I “should go to hell” and ruining her life.
4) But the real cause of all this was Pastor Gong Mingpeng’s refusal to admit his mistakes, address the damaging influence, and his continued misleading, which drove her to extremes. If Pastor Gong Mingpeng had admitted his mistakes and corrected them, acknowledging his mistakes in confusing right and wrong and misleading my wife, none of this would have happened.
5) During this period, Pastor Gong Mingpeng continued to read the Bible and pray with my wife weekly, but he neither pointed out her problems nor acknowledged his own involvement. Instead, because of Pastor Gong Mingpeng’s misleading attitude, my wife told his church that she was seeking God’s guidance and “asking God” that she should drop the criminal charges against me or not, claiming that I didn’t recognize my own problems. My wife had been misled by Pastor Gong Mingpeng to such a ridiculously “spiritual” level, yet she felt quite spiritual in his church.
8. If Pastor Gong Mingpeng had admitted his mistakes and corrected them at that time, the disaster in my family would not have continued:
1) If Pastor Gong had admitted his mistakes in misleading right and wrong in his counseling; if he had acknowledged his mistakes, even after knowing they were wrong, but had refused to admit them and corrected the mistakes he had made, and had corrected the areas where he had misled my wife.
2) Then, it wouldn’t be too difficult for my wife to admit her mistakes and correct them, and she wouldn’t go further astray; our relationship wouldn’t deteriorate further, and our family wouldn’t face further disaster.
3) But Pastor Gong still refused to admit his mistakes, nor to address the damaging effects, continuing to mislead my wife and pushing my family into even greater disaster.
I want to emphasize:
Faced with this situation, Pastor Gong Mingpeng, as a witness and bystander to the entire process, saw it very clearly:
1) The “first step” to resolving the issue was for him to “first” admit his mistakes and correct them, allowing my family to return to true principles and a normal external environment to resolve the issue; rather than forcing my wife and I to fight over the confusion and misleading he had caused, and the resulting problems. But he didn’t do that.
2) Pastor Gong Mingpeng’s refusal to admit his mistakes and correct them trapped my family in this distorted logic. Coupled with his continued misleading of my wife, she didn’t realize she had made a serious mistake. Given my wife’s serious violation of moral conscience and her financial control over me, our relationship could never be repaired. It only deepened the conflict, making the problem unresolvable.
3) If Pastor Gong Mingpeng had first admitted that he had perverted right and wrong and misled my wife, then it would have been easy for her to subsequently admit her mistakes and correct them. Our family would have been on the right track.
4) Under true doctrine and a normal external church environment, it would have been impossible for my wife to: Having already done something profoundly wrong by having my mother move out of our home in 2017, and then to then do something even more morally and unconscionably bad by not letting my mother visit our home, and yet feel completely spiritual about it.
5) It was Pastor Gong Mingpeng’s perverting right and wrong, and his subsequent refusal to admit his mistakes and correct his mistakes, while continuing to mislead my wife, that became the key factor that led my family to this situation.